A Cross at the Side of the Road

A Cross at the Side of the Road...

Welcome back Readers!

This week I am writing about the cross at the side of the road, where a mother loses her son long before his time. Yes, for those of you who know me on an personal level, this past week Wednesday, July 21, 2010 was the fifth (5) year anniversary of Bryce Lee, my third son's return to Heaven.

Five years has passed since I had written my third book in the memory of Bryce to help grieving parents and families cope with the many levels of pain that death's suffering leaves behind.

"Why we Cry for a Soul set Free" is the story of how I dealt with the death of my third child, one of the most traumatic experiences a parent can go through. Bryce Lee Haugen was the third of my four sons and the bravest human being I've ever known. Bryce was my special child; he had been diagnosed with epilepsy and mild mental retardation at a very young age. With his limitations, his life was a challenging one, but despite the treatment he sometimes received from those who couldn't accept or understand him, he always looked at life in a positive way and loved people unconditionally.

Aside from the book I wrote in 2005, there has been tremendous healing and transformation that has taken place in our family since that day. In this blog I am not going to write about the powerful message you get from my book because each of you can read the book and gain your own perspective. But what I did want to emphasize in this week's blog is the common practice of "no helmet" while riding four wheelers, motorcycles, dirt bikes, scooters, mopeds, any motorized vehicle and the important message I have for all of you, whether you are the driver or the passenger in any of these situations. Truthfully, Bryce was not wearing a helmet when riding his four wheeler, but if he had, I know without a doubt that he would still be with us today.

In this world there is such a heavy emphasis on "status symbols". What I mean by this is just this, we as humans consciously believe that the home we live in, what we drive, our job title, not the richness of our soul, but the richness of our bank account, the clothes we wear and who are social circle happens to be are all "status symbols" that we use to compare ourselves to others, to judge each other, and what we see as "important stuff" rather than "unimportant stuff". Actually because we get so fixated on the status symbols of this world our souls shrink and life becomes this big masquerade, and all of us us are simply "actors on stage" worrying about what our outside looks like, without concentrating on fixing the inside.

I've seen this too many times...if not most of the time. Bikers on Harly's who are pimped out in leather chaps, biker's gear that makes them look "cool" on their bikes - and every time it's without a helmet. Helmets don't fit into the dress code when riding a motorcycle because helmets don't make us look cool on our bike...am I wrong? This is a prime example of "status symbols" where we worry more about what we look like on the outside, rather than what we look like on the inside. And as a result of concentrating only on our outward appearance, we jeopardize our physical safety so we look good and impress others. And then when a tragic accidents occur such as Bryce's or on a motorcycle due to the fact that they weren't wearing helmets, everybody scratches their heads in awe and wonders how in the world something like this could happen.

Yes, my son was in a tragic four wheeler accident, along with two other vehicles on a major highway without a wearing a helmet. And the crazy part of that is everyone walked away without a scratch except for Bryce. Did he own a helmet? Yes, years prior to his accident I bought him one and insisted that he wear it. Did he wear it consistently when he rode his four wheeler? No. And the reason was because he was teased and made fun of by others when he did put it on. So again, my son was vulnerable to what society considers important - status symbols and looking good for others.

As a result of falling victim to the weight of the world, my son's life ended before his time. He died twelve hours later at St. Mary's Hospital in Rochester, Minnesota from a very horrific highway accident due to the simple fact that he was not wearing his helmet.

When the phone rang that July evening to tell me my twenty-one year old son was fighting for his life, my heart was shattered into a million pieces within seconds. While the rest of the world was sleeping peacefully, Bryce was fighting for his life. Despite twelve hours of intense medical attention by a staff at the Mayo Clinic and St. Mary's Hospital professionals, Bryce died from "cerebral edema with herniation" on July 21, 2005 at 6:30 p.m., a time that will be forever instilled in the memories of my family. We had lost a son, a brother, a loved one.

If you get nothing else out of my blog this week...please, I pray that all of you will take the initiative and enforce a helmet anytime you have the influence or authority with family and friends and even strangers...Trust me, you do not want to visit a cross on the side of a road or a cemetery in order to express your love to someone who has lost their life before their time. After the tragic that my family had endured, would you please listen to my words and the pain of my heart to please put on the helmets before riding...it's a choice that each of us has, and it will not only preserve lives, but will allow loved ones to remain here on earth without being forced to leave before their time.

Paint Your Life with New Colors - Step Three

Welcome back readers! This week is the third and final paint brush - "Relationships" as part of my Paint Your Life with New Colors program, the "How To"!

Everyday each of us encounters relationships of all shapes and sizes from our children, spouses, partners, parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors, co-workers, boss, pets and even anyone in a service role in our community, cities, states and country. There are no avoiding relationships as long as you are alive and interacting with others on this earth. As Steven Covey says, "Nothing is more exciting and bonding in relationships than creating together."

Since everyday of our lives should be filled with learned experiences, we need to make every moment a teachable moment...this blog is just one example of learning and teaching together.

We as mankind are not born with hard-wired knowledge of how to create, flourish and grow relationships in our lives, it must be learned. One key point I teach my audiences during my keynotes is when you are in a relationship that is failing, remember this...you only control 50% of the relationship, but you influence 100% of the relationship, big difference. Most people operate with a mindset of controlling their relationships and then they wonder why the relationship failed. And then of course nine times out of ten they point the finger at the other person, with no accountability placed on them. So with this piece of wisdom, if you want a healthy, loving relationship, then the changes have to begin with YOU! Yes You!


Think about each relationship that you are in today. I know, most of us can list many different types of relationships in our lives from parents, spouse, siblings, friends, co-workers, managers, neighbors...relationships we establish during our lifetime are endless. Not much thought is ever given to the relationships that we encounter when we, for example, interact with others at the grocery store. From the clerk at the checkout lane, to the employees who are stocking the shelves, to the carry out attendant...all who are employed at the grocery store. I can pretty much guarantee at any given point that all of us have or will interact with these people during our shopping experience, even if only for a brief moment. But that brief moment can easily generate a new relationship, new friendship, etc., even if it's for a brief period of time in our lives. And now for my in your face question - What is your attitude and behavior in that relationship? Are you crabby, angry, and grumpy or are you friendly, outgoing, happy and have the gift of gab? Do you see that person with loving eyes or hateful eyes? Flavia Weedn says, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, never the same." You never know who you're going to meet, where you're going to meet them, and why they've stepped into your life. But if you open your heart to everyone you meet then you will begin to realize the purpose of that relationship, even if it's for a brief moment in time.

But more importantly, the interactions that we as humans have with other humans is about reaching out to each other, helping each other and giving of ourselves regardless of the purpose. At the exact moment of interacting with others we may not consciously be aware of what is actually happening when someone new is put in front of us. I truly believe that everyone, all of mankind, regardless of time, place or situation are put in front of us for very specific reasons...we are to learn from them or they are to learn from us. It is safe to say that all of us play two roles in our relationships...sometimes we are the teacher and sometimes we are the student. And whether you are the teacher or student - "Everything happens for a reason."

President Obama made a fabulous statement at a Michigan Commencement Exercise in June of this year. He said "Why should I sacrifice my life for someone I don't know?" He went on to answer this question by saying, "To form relationships, connecting with others, reach out to others because you will find it hard to 'numb' yourself to other people's suffering." I couldn't agree more with his statement...even in our day-to-day minutia, we need to start seeing with our eyes and stop seeing through the worldly eyes of judgment, ridicule, condemnation, sneering, laughing, teasing, bullying, etc.

As humans evolve and change, we need to look at the needs of our children, become their mentors, assist our elderly and the folks down the block or in our communities who are down on their luck and need a helping hand. The big test is this...Can you change your behavior patterns and your relationship to society, work and home?

At the end of the day it's about relationships and the overall experiences of each one, not the moment by moment trivial details that many get caught up in. How rewarding it would be if we would just acquire a universal mentality to be of service whenever service calls us because when it's all said and done it is truly 'service' that binds us all together.

Blessings!

Paint Your Life with New Colors - Step Two

This is the second week of "Paint Your Life with New Colors" (shifting attitudes/shifting outcomes) Program, step two paint brush is Perseverance.


Perseverance is the power within. All of us have it, but not all of us know how to use it. Each of us have a bucket of internal skills (extraordinary gifts), and perseverance is just one. And the partner of perseverance is passion. Do you have a passion in life? Do you have a dream that is fueled by passion, hence bringing rise to pursuing your dreams? Well, if you answered yes, my advice to you is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER give up!!! The only thing that will stop you is the weight of this world, nothing else. With the right mindset, you can accomplish anything you set your mind too, as long as you shut out the worldly, pessimistic noise around you. Stop giving others the permission to dig a hole and throw you in with no way out. Stop allowing others to dictate who you are and what you are meant to accomplish while here on this earth.

Life goes fast, and without the power within, you will fall to the back of line, you will be last to cross the finish line, you will get ran over, you will miss out on discovering your full potential and then becoming oblivious to the specific glories life has in store for you.

There are many ways in life to "Be Your Own Hero" and pursue whatever it is that makes your heart explode in joy, happiness and gratitude. Here's a serious, in your face question - If you knew that life's end was near, what is it that you would want to do more than anything else in this world? Be a better parent, spend everyday with your grand babies, tell someone how much you love them, travel the globe, become an entrepreneur, own a coffee shop, work in a flower shop  arranging bouquets of flowers, teach pottery to high school students, volunteer your time to the elderly, the homeless or to the needy? What would it be? Write it down, exhaust the list, but most importantly, make a list and keep it by your bedside as a reminder for you and yourself.

Create a "Vision Board". What is a vision board? Go to your nearest craft store, Target, Office Max, etc. and pick up a cork board...any size will do, your choice. Across the top put the words "My Vision Board". With thumbtacks, post on your vision board all the desires of your heart. It may be a dream home, dream career, travel dreams, lottery tickets, whatever it is that sparks the perseverance laying dorm it in you. This excise works, trust me, everything that I have ever posted on my vision board has happened in my life...I have even had to take down things that I previously posted because they have already taken place, then of course replacing them with new inspirations. If you can visualize it, it will happen, study quantum physics if you still have doubts.

Opportunity or what I like to call blessings are presented to us daily. We are just so busy trying to control our lives that we miss what's right in front of us to take, grab and pursue. Helen Keller put it best "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but we often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us." Exactly Helen...it is only the "weight of the world," the expectations and demands of others that truly prevents us from pursuing who we are meant to be, our soul life purpose. We are too focused on what others think of us, allowing them to judge us, condemn us and possibly crush us. It is only when we have made a conscious choice to follow our hearts and not the demands of this world that we will blossom in our lives.

Walter Eliot says "Perseverance is not a long race: It is many short races, one after another!" So what are you waiting for? When are you going to step up to the starting line so you can run the race with the rest of us? I've been utilizing my internal perseverance since birth. For those of you who follow me and know me personally, know all to well that I am the perseverance expert, as I was born into a world of darkness, severe child abuse from a paranoid schizophrenic mother. It is perseverance that has gotten me through every trial and tribulation in my life. Without it I would have been crushed long ago. And, so let us run with determination the race that lies before us.

Perseverance is the internal drive, determination, strength and courage to push through the tough parts of life. It is perseverance that brings light to the darkest days of our lives. And we all know that none of us are without hardship, dark days, trials and tribulations, but it is with perseverance that we become invincible in these undeniable life situations. Look at the 2009 economic turmoil, layoffs, cutbacks, as well as today's natural disasters...the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, our men and women at war fighting for our freedom, the list goes on. But without perseverance none of us would survive these 21st Century catastrophic events. Even when the pieces crumble all around us, it is perseverance that forces us to get up, dust ourselves off so we can start putting the pieces back together through life changes. Contrary to what you've heard, impossible is not a word, it's only an excuse not to try. If you believe you can't, you are right! If you believe you can, you are right! I love Barak Obama's speech on YouTube delivered to the Kalamazoo, Michigan Central High School graduating class of 2010. He said "True Excellence only comes with Perseverance!"

Don't change your colors for anyone else...paint your life with new colors and transform your life into the life you were meant to lead. Every issue, belief, attitude or assumption that you have is precisely the barrier between you and yourself...only you can transform your life. It is only when you shift your attitude that you will then shift the outcome.

I want for you whatever it is that you want for your life. My advice is to keep the end goal in mind, never losing site of the overall objective or better - the dream. Don't get bogged down with the details and always see the value of who you are and anticipate the crazy excellent end results.

Until next week, Blessings!