Breaking all the Rules - The Time is NOW!

"For Whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open." --Mark 4:11, 21-22

Hear me Roar! Old family ways, old family secrets are a thing of the past...time to change the world. People may not want to hear what I have to say, but too bad because I am not going anywhere, as I am the powerhouse voice - my trademark has been in place for years - One Survivor's Voice for Millions of Silent Victims!

I am breaking society's mold of keeping things brushed under the rug or turning the cheek when yet another victim comes across the nightly news. Child Abuse is a Crime and it Needs to Stop! The Time is NOW! The 21st Century - This is it! I am done walking softly with this subject.

By no fault of their own, mankind has been trained or taught for generations to keep this subject hidden, keep it quiet at all cost of saving the family name, the family reputation and community humiliation. The denial of this horrific crime has many faces in the mirror, and the faces are ugly and painful for every victim who suffers years following this sick act of torturing God's gift, our children, while hiding from the rest of the world. Most cases go on for years before authorities or the media call attention to what appears to be "abnormal treatment" of a child. How does this crime slip through our fingers to only be revealed and exposed in the local news or on 60 Minutes or 20/20 interviews...which by then it's too late. By this point of media exposure, the damage is done and scars remain for the millions of the silent victims, while their perpetrator/s more times than not walk away without consequences.

Someone must come forward and step up on the largest platform imaginable and be the voice of the victim! That person is me! The following article you are about to read, as graphic as it is, shows the world a child's pain and suffering, but also shows TRIUMPH in it's greatest form. This article also shows mankind that we all have the power to change our lives, to find the power within to survive. This article is NOT for the "faint of heart," but gives you insight into how I turned my life around, and if you let me, I can help you turn your life around as well.

This is not all about me...Yes, I have been dealt this story, but if it wasn't for this story, I wouldn't have anything to say on the platform and you wouldn't be listening. God brought me through this story to get you to listen to me and learn the "truth" of this tragic crime! He wants your attention and he's asking for your help! I am just the vessel.

The below article was written by an accredited Angel, who by her own rite believes in me and my mission in this lifetime. She is moving mountains for me that I could not move alone. Thank you dear Adrienne and may God continue to bless us and keep the both of us in the palm of his hand!

by Adrienne Papp

The Debra Luptak Story: The Worst Child Abuse Case in Recorded History

Debra Luptak

We've all heard fantasy stories, or true events that are either too good to be true, rags to riches tales, or so full of suffering and unspeakable human misery that we have a hard time comprehending its reality. No wonder that some of the biggest blockbusters made in Hollywood come out of true stories of ordinary people doing the impossible, exemplifying the good in us and not the all-too-common tragically wasted potential and literal loss of life when it comes to horrific circumstances like those of Debra Luptak’s.

The unbelievable true story of Debra incorporates not only the impossible, but also the exceptional and unprecedented.  It’s a story that begins in the deepest hell and most barbarian of conditions ever seen by the mortal eye, and yet transitions into a tale of triumph over impossible odds, redemption and a shared hope for the human existence.

Debra’s story is not an easy one to tell, some of the details are not only disturbing, but also painfully unnerving. Yet, the chilling perplexities while astonishing, also serve as a sad illustration and soul-penetrating lesson of what an individual “Homo sapien” is capable of by revealing both the darkest and most uncivilized characteristics, as well as the triumphant resourcefulness of the human spirit.

The nightmare began at birth. When Debra Luptak was born she was dubbed “The Devil’s Daughter,” as her paranoid schizophrenic mother bizarrely identified her as a child from the Devil in a family where she desperately wanted only male children.  Sexually abused herself as a child, Debra’s mother began to abuse her daughter at birth, putting her crib in a confining closet at the back of the house.  She was convinced that her newborn daughter was trying to destroy her marriage and would end up having sex with her husband.

Debra Remembers Her Childhood

When she was three weeks old a mosquito from the nearby swamps got through a hole in Debra’s closet and bit her, causing encephalitis, a high fever, convulsions and eventually a coma. Debra had to have her spine drained and spent weeks recovering in a hospital.  All along her Mother insisted that she had been “born crazy.”  At six weeks, Debra had to be rushed to the hospital when she stopped breathing and turned blue from lack of oxygen.  Her Mother claimed that “Debra tried to kill herself” by stuffing her blanket down her throat (as if a six week old were able to do that) not admitting to paramedics that she had tried suffocating her daughter until she was near death.

Debra, being the oldest daughter, took the full brunt of her Mother’s abuse, although younger sister Danielle was also   badly mistreated when she was born. They were both routinely subjected to vindictive deprivation and homicidal rage, yet Debra was her Mother’s main target. In the young family living near St. Louis, MO, which also included two boys, but only the girls were subject to the terror and dread dealt to them by their mentally disturbed Mother. “My Mother wanted nothing to do with me or my sister Danielle, who was born eleven months after I was born in 1962,” Debra says. “Both of us were kept in separate cramped closets as infants and toddlers, and when we moved to our second home we were kept in a damp, musty, unfinished basement with just a mattress. The meager food we received was placed on the stairs, as if we were sub-humans or pets. Neither of us ever had any potty training and we would go for days without having our diapers changed and we both had terrible rashes and sores from our soggy diapers.”

Those sores caused Debra to scratch herself continuously, and when her mother discovered it, she became convinced that her daughter was touching herself sexually and was “queer.”  Her delusional thinking led her to devise homemade straightjacket that she made Debra wear to control her “evil” habits.  “The straightjacket made sure that I couldn’t move, and I was continually strapped into this restraint with one of my legs placed over the other,” Debra says.  “That was how I learned to walk, in this straightjacket, with one leg over the other, hobbling in a contorted position, trying to move myself forward.”

The straightjacket also had long term physical implications.  “One of my legs grew to be deformed since I had it continually strapped over the other one,” Debra says.  “It took six months of physical therapy in a hospital to reduce the effect of that deformation.”

Debra’s mother also forced Debra to sit with strapped arms and legs to a potty chair for hours, and tried to get her to urinate by forcing a syringe up her vagina.  For years Debra learned to hold her urine and bowel movements, but eventually she would make a mess in her panties, which caused her mother to smear her face with feces and then dry it with an electric fan, a humiliation that she found humorous.  “And later when Danielle and I were together in the damp basement in our second home, she would  stand us over a drain and hose us down with icy water in that cold basement in the dead of winter,” Debra remembers.

Mother just wasn’t cut out for housework either, and didn’t think it necessary to attend to cleaning and housework.  “She never washed dishes.  There were pots of food molding in the kitchen and in the refrigerator,” Debra says.

It was a terrifying existence for a child.  Every day was simply something to endure, a test of survival.  Eventually young Debra thought her father might come to her rescue and become her savior, but he was a slight man and powerless to deal with the destructive behavior his domineering 5-foot 9-inch, 250-pound wife exhibited toward his daughters.

Things worsened when Debra’s Mother would fight with her father, Larry, whose concerns for the girls would cause her to increase their abuse. Shouting and arguments could continue for hours, as she verbally abused the girls’ father.  When police arrived they would arrest the Father, and he would spend a night in jail.

Young Debra Growing Up in Foster Homes

The daily torture continued in many ways.  Physical abuse was commonplace, and included cigarette burns and the use of pharmaceutical drugs (such as Valium) to keep Debra quiet, beginning at an early age.  “I was fed an assortment of adult pills to keep me sedated and immobile beginning when I was about two years old. Mother had convinced a doctor that she needed a prescription for stress and anxiety, and she used whatever drugs she could get to keep me in a stupor,” Debra says.

Within days of being force fed adult sedatives, Debra fell into a coma, losing sensory perceptions.  Her Father found her on the floor of her closet reeking of urine and feces in a comatose state. She was rushed to Children’s Hospital in St. Louis, where she spent several weeks recovering from her Mother-inflicted drug overdose.

The overdose was reported to social services, which finally stepped in and took serious action against the family, telling them that Debra would be placed in a home in southern Missouri for a year until the family decided whether or not they wanted her or could take care of her.

Debra eventually was returned to her family after her one year stay at a foster home. A number of relatives gathered at the family home to welcome her, and were impressed with how nicely her hair had grown out during her time away.  Angered by the attention her daughter was getting, Debra’s mother took the scissors to her hair the next day, chopping off the offensive object of admiration.

For the first formative years of her young life, Debra Luptak was routinely brutalized, physically and emotionally on a daily basis. She was physically malnourished and beaten, emotionally and cognitively stunted, and completely without any nurturing or schooling.  She was caged both physically in a closet and later in a basement, and mentally with pharmaceutical drugs and strong adult sedatives, but through it all she learned to survive.

“Many days I heard a tiny voice inside me say that things would be all right, the voice telling me that ‘It’s not you,” Debra recalls.  “If it hadn’t been for that I don’t know if I could have survived the daily torment. Something deep inside me told me that there was something better for me and that I would survive my mother’s hatred for me.  I somehow knew that my mother could beat me, could physically and emotionally torment me, but she would NEVER take away my will to survive or destroy me.” Despite the reassuring voice, Debra’s life was always about “hanging on just one more day.”

In 1967, after her parents divorced, Debra’s mother packed up the kids and moved to Arizona to live with a man who owned a ramshackle 10-acre ranch out in the middle of the Palo Verde desert, about fifty miles west of Phoenix. “He was an ex-military man who had a twisted sense of discipline, and was an ideal partner in crime for the demented behavior of my mother,” Debra says.  “He built a form of animal pen for us out there, and we had to surrender our shoes so that we couldn’t run away on the scalding hot desert sand.  Years later I went back to the site of the ranch and found a pair of my shoes there.  I keep them on my desk now as the only keepsake as a little girl, and what I had to survive back then.”

In 1967, after her parents divorced, Debra’s mother packed up the kids and moved to Arizona to live with a man who owned a ramshackle 10-acre ranch out in the middle of the Palo Verde desert, about fifty miles west of Phoenix. “He was an ex-military man who had a twisted sense of discipline, and was an ideal partner in crime for the demented behavior of my mother,” Debra says.  “He built a form of animal pen for us out there, and we had to surrender our shoes so that we couldn’t run away on the scalding hot desert sand.  Years later I went back to the site of the ranch and found a pair of my shoes there.  I keep them on my desk now as the only keepsake as a little girl, and what I had to survive back then.

Debra's Shoes, Reminders of Her Days of Horror
as a Little Girl

Life at the ranch in Arizona also included other forms of abuse for the young daughters, including forcing them by cattle prod to scrub the bathtub in the trailer, constrain them to eat horse manure and dog food while the boys ate Oreo cookies and making them walk on hot galvanized metal in the 110-degree desert heat without shoes as a daily punishment. The girls, Debra and Danielle, were never allowed to stay in the trailer, and in many cases the boys were forced to torment their sisters as well.  “My Mother thought it would be fitting if we were branded, and encouraged my brother Matthew to use a hot fork to make brand marks on us, Debra says.

Other forms of abuse at the ranch included burning the girls with cigarettes, Mother wrapping her finger around her daughters’ hair and yanking chunks of it out, and pouring hot pepper spice or paprika on the girls’ private parts in her delusional mind’s attempt to destroy her daughter’s female parts.

It’s almost impossible to believe this kind of torture was routinely inflicted on young innocent children, three young girls trying to survive a life that seemingly couldn’t get any worse.  But Mother Jayne and stepfather Harold continued to find new ways to enhance the misery.  It was years later that Harold decided to sexually molest the youngest sister Doreen.

Debra and Danielle became desperate to find ways to escape the compound, and they were finally able to run away. The police became involved, and the girls’ rebelliousness eventually got to be too much for the mother and step-father who got “tired of the runaway girls” and, before Debra’s 6th birthday (an occasion the family never celebrated), she and Danielle were dumped at a social service center to begin new lives in a series of foster homes. Strangely enough, Debra’s Mother was never arrested for her brutality towards her daughters for the simple reason that no one ever pressed charges.

“I had no frame of reference for what a normal family life was,” Debra says, “but I didn’t think things could get any worse.  The odd thing was I really didn’t want to go.  I didn’t want to leave my siblings.”

Their first placement at a foster home happened to be with a family who were nudists.  The second foster family had an 18-year old son who raped Debra at the age of six.  There were a series of other homes for the girls, and eventually Debra went to a family on her own, and separated from Danielle, which was yet another pivotal turn in her life.

Debra Published Three Books,
Making Her Experience a Mission to Help Others

Each foster home was far from ideal.  When Debra was nine she moved to the home of an older couple in Minnesota who wanted a daughter to replace their daughter who had been killed in a car accident.  “That was a very strange experience for me.  They had sealed off their daughter’s room and kept her things in place like she was still alive.”

Life in Minnesota for Debra offered some stability, but also more torment.  By the 3rd grade Debra had figured out that she could get attention from boys, and by the 6th grade was running with a free spirited and unruly group of kids.  When she was eleven years old, Debra was raped again, and she then became a school drop out in the tenth grade.  “I was very rebellious towards the adult figures in my life, and yet on the flip side sexually very promiscuous with the boys, looking for the love and affection that I never got as a child,” she says.

While living with her adoptive parents in Southern MN, at the tender age of fourteen, Debra became pregnant.  She had a son at fifteen, who she ended up keeping.  She also tried to commit suicide later on, but her inner strength triumphed over death. The world needed Debra.

By the age of sixteen Debra was married, and by the age of twenty-two she had four boys.  She was now a full-fledged mother, and was determined to give her children the love that was denied her as a child.  By this point in her life Debra Luptak was determined to be the best mother she could be, virtually exploding with love towards her family.

Through her twenties, with the years of torture behind her and the healing ahead of her, Debra Luptak was finally on the right track to a balanced life.  She busied herself with her family, getting an education, earning a 3.7 to 4.0 GPA and studying psychology and paranoid schizophrenia in an attempt to understand her mother’s illness. She had acquired a passion for learning as a college student and became committed to pursuing a career that would fulfill her potential.  She had begun to recognize her true talents both as a woman and a teacher.  At that time in her life Debra felt ready and pursued a 3-year search on her biological family. It was when she summoned the courage to contact her mother on the phone as an adult for the first time in many years.  Her Mother’s first words to her were: “Yes, I remember you, you are the Devil’s Daughter.” In 1992 the family was reunited on “The Jenny Jones Show,” but there was no real reconciliation possible for Debra and her Mother.

And there were still many bumps in the road before Debra Luptak was to find her way to a stable, happy, fulfilling life.  In her thirties she attempted suicide twice, and in her forties her third son Bryce lost his life in an ATV accident in 2005. She dedicated her third book, (“Why we Cry for a Soul set Free”) to helping other parents heal from the unbearable tragedy of losing a child. But, almost as if each setback made her stronger, there was a healing process, a pivotal turn of life going on underneath it all.

“I took many different paths,” she says in her book A Survivor’s Closet, “the paths that I thought were the right ones.  Stubborn and full of determination, I believed I knew what was best for my child and my adult.  Long stretches of time were spent in tears, releasing endless pains from the inner part of my soul.  Allowing myself to breathe, to deeply inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth over and over to calm my restless body.  I revealed my deepest emotional and physical courage so I could reshape my future. It was as if a hurricane was living deep inside me and after years of life-threatening waters, I could finally find calmer seas.”

Debra Luptak Today

Today, Debra Luptak, after having survived inhuman conditions and constant torture, is a highly successful businesswoman, the author of three books (A Survivor’s Closet, Why We Cry for a Soul Set Free, …and then There Was Light,with as many as 11 more books in the works, a life coach, and a corporate lecturer (www.debraluptak.com) teaching others, either as individuals, or groups, what it takes to be survivors and become successful at beating the odds when the odds are stacked against you.

Her story is a very vivid example for even the most skeptical of souls that with the right thinking and determination we can not only endure adverse circumstances, but can also reach the highest of human potentials and triumph into the light from the deepest of darkness.  With a strong sense of self, Debra today commands all excuses begone, defines the true meaning of extraordinary, and proves every word of her teachings with her life experience. She earned her power through discovering her personal ability, which allowed the transcendence of intense and horrific situations and circumstances, something that other motivational speakers, although greatly recognized, cannot say about their own lives. Nobody has the personal history of terror and torment that Debra Luptak does.

Debra does not lecture philosophies; she puts thinking and realizations into practice. As Oprah once said: “We need to thrive to achieve the highest good within us and transform others through our own example.” Debra Luptak, a genius in her own right, dedicated her life to the most noble of causes: helping her fellow humans through a complete transformation of the self.  For as Einstein said: “Only a life lived for others is worth living.” In her very successful hard cover book,  A Survivor’s Closet, Debra says: “Leave your memories buried beneath the dirt, Share your gift with those you inspire, and Dive into life with your gift of strength."

This courageous, beautiful woman inside and out, turned her life into a raving success, raised four boys with love and caring, has the most supportive and giving marriage and is here to help all of us if we are willing to listen. Debra Luptak is God’s angel, an unparalleled inspiration and blessing to the World! She possesses the biggest treasure there is: the gift of forgiveness. That something inside her that was able to transform terror and daily fear into love and compassion is the very essence of what our 21st century crises-stricken humanity needs to find in each and every individual’s heart. Making a better world starts from within and is not only a must, but a responsibility that the majority of mankind does not understand. Most people in Debra’s shoes would choose drugs and alcohol to numb the pain or remain in denial, and even justify it, instead of realizing that the most joy and the biggest transformation is born out of hardship and not fun and games.

With Debra, a full presence emerges empowered by the encoded iron will granted by God to all humans, asking us to awaken, to become conscious and realize that our choices are the ones determining our destiny and not our outside circumstances, or other people’s actions.

Debra is a Successful Lecturer and
Motivational Speaker

By telling her story, Debra conveys to us both the teachings of Jesus Christ and the latest discoveries in science about the workings of the human mind and how we connect to that higher intelligence we know exists. Are we ready to understand our own power? Are we ready to wake up from sleepwalking through life, and instead, become valued individuals helping the world and ourselves evolve? Are we ready for a new way of thinking, a new reality, a new life, a new destiny? Are we ready to hear the words of the universe through Debra’s voice?

Debra Luptak has been ready all along, sensing even as a child that someday she would be called to shine her light throughout the direst circumstances of the human condition. Her destiny has been written from the beginning, unbeknownst to her, but something that humanity cries out to hear from a source that has been through it all. And, that source is her story: the Debra Luptak story!By telling her story, Debra conveys to us both the teachings of Jesus Christ and the latest discoveries in science about the workings of the human mind and how we connect to that higher intelligence we know exists. Are we ready to understand our own power? Are we ready to wake up from sleepwalking through life, and instead, become valued individuals helping the world and ourselves evolve? Are we ready for a new way of thinking, a new reality, a new life, a new destiny? Are we ready to hear the words of the universe through Debra’s voice?

About the Author of This Article:  Adrienne Papp is a recognized journalist who has written for many publications including Savoir, Beverly Hills 90210, Malibu Beach, Santa Monica Sun, The Beverly Hills Times, Brentwood News, Bel-Air View, Celebrity Society, Celeb Staff, It Magazine, Chic Today, LA2DAY, West Side Today among many others. She is the President and CEO of Los Angeles / New York-based publicity company, Atlantic Publicity and publishing house, Atlantic Publisher. Adrienne writes about world trends, Quantum Physics, entertainment and interviews celebrities, world leaders, inventors, philanthropists and entrepreneurs. She also owns Atlantic United Films that produces and finances true stories made for theatrical release or the silver screen. Spotlight News Magazine is owned by Atlantic United, Inc with Adrienne Papp being the majority shareholder.

Blessings until next week!

A Cross at the Side of the Road

A Cross at the Side of the Road...

Welcome back Readers!

This week I am writing about the cross at the side of the road, where a mother loses her son long before his time. Yes, for those of you who know me on an personal level, this past week Wednesday, July 21, 2010 was the fifth (5) year anniversary of Bryce Lee, my third son's return to Heaven.

Five years has passed since I had written my third book in the memory of Bryce to help grieving parents and families cope with the many levels of pain that death's suffering leaves behind.

"Why we Cry for a Soul set Free" is the story of how I dealt with the death of my third child, one of the most traumatic experiences a parent can go through. Bryce Lee Haugen was the third of my four sons and the bravest human being I've ever known. Bryce was my special child; he had been diagnosed with epilepsy and mild mental retardation at a very young age. With his limitations, his life was a challenging one, but despite the treatment he sometimes received from those who couldn't accept or understand him, he always looked at life in a positive way and loved people unconditionally.

Aside from the book I wrote in 2005, there has been tremendous healing and transformation that has taken place in our family since that day. In this blog I am not going to write about the powerful message you get from my book because each of you can read the book and gain your own perspective. But what I did want to emphasize in this week's blog is the common practice of "no helmet" while riding four wheelers, motorcycles, dirt bikes, scooters, mopeds, any motorized vehicle and the important message I have for all of you, whether you are the driver or the passenger in any of these situations. Truthfully, Bryce was not wearing a helmet when riding his four wheeler, but if he had, I know without a doubt that he would still be with us today.

In this world there is such a heavy emphasis on "status symbols". What I mean by this is just this, we as humans consciously believe that the home we live in, what we drive, our job title, not the richness of our soul, but the richness of our bank account, the clothes we wear and who are social circle happens to be are all "status symbols" that we use to compare ourselves to others, to judge each other, and what we see as "important stuff" rather than "unimportant stuff". Actually because we get so fixated on the status symbols of this world our souls shrink and life becomes this big masquerade, and all of us us are simply "actors on stage" worrying about what our outside looks like, without concentrating on fixing the inside.

I've seen this too many times...if not most of the time. Bikers on Harly's who are pimped out in leather chaps, biker's gear that makes them look "cool" on their bikes - and every time it's without a helmet. Helmets don't fit into the dress code when riding a motorcycle because helmets don't make us look cool on our bike...am I wrong? This is a prime example of "status symbols" where we worry more about what we look like on the outside, rather than what we look like on the inside. And as a result of concentrating only on our outward appearance, we jeopardize our physical safety so we look good and impress others. And then when a tragic accidents occur such as Bryce's or on a motorcycle due to the fact that they weren't wearing helmets, everybody scratches their heads in awe and wonders how in the world something like this could happen.

Yes, my son was in a tragic four wheeler accident, along with two other vehicles on a major highway without a wearing a helmet. And the crazy part of that is everyone walked away without a scratch except for Bryce. Did he own a helmet? Yes, years prior to his accident I bought him one and insisted that he wear it. Did he wear it consistently when he rode his four wheeler? No. And the reason was because he was teased and made fun of by others when he did put it on. So again, my son was vulnerable to what society considers important - status symbols and looking good for others.

As a result of falling victim to the weight of the world, my son's life ended before his time. He died twelve hours later at St. Mary's Hospital in Rochester, Minnesota from a very horrific highway accident due to the simple fact that he was not wearing his helmet.

When the phone rang that July evening to tell me my twenty-one year old son was fighting for his life, my heart was shattered into a million pieces within seconds. While the rest of the world was sleeping peacefully, Bryce was fighting for his life. Despite twelve hours of intense medical attention by a staff at the Mayo Clinic and St. Mary's Hospital professionals, Bryce died from "cerebral edema with herniation" on July 21, 2005 at 6:30 p.m., a time that will be forever instilled in the memories of my family. We had lost a son, a brother, a loved one.

If you get nothing else out of my blog this week...please, I pray that all of you will take the initiative and enforce a helmet anytime you have the influence or authority with family and friends and even strangers...Trust me, you do not want to visit a cross on the side of a road or a cemetery in order to express your love to someone who has lost their life before their time. After the tragic that my family had endured, would you please listen to my words and the pain of my heart to please put on the helmets before riding...it's a choice that each of us has, and it will not only preserve lives, but will allow loved ones to remain here on earth without being forced to leave before their time.

Paint Your Life with New Colors - Step Three

Welcome back readers! This week is the third and final paint brush - "Relationships" as part of my Paint Your Life with New Colors program, the "How To"!

Everyday each of us encounters relationships of all shapes and sizes from our children, spouses, partners, parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors, co-workers, boss, pets and even anyone in a service role in our community, cities, states and country. There are no avoiding relationships as long as you are alive and interacting with others on this earth. As Steven Covey says, "Nothing is more exciting and bonding in relationships than creating together."

Since everyday of our lives should be filled with learned experiences, we need to make every moment a teachable moment...this blog is just one example of learning and teaching together.

We as mankind are not born with hard-wired knowledge of how to create, flourish and grow relationships in our lives, it must be learned. One key point I teach my audiences during my keynotes is when you are in a relationship that is failing, remember this...you only control 50% of the relationship, but you influence 100% of the relationship, big difference. Most people operate with a mindset of controlling their relationships and then they wonder why the relationship failed. And then of course nine times out of ten they point the finger at the other person, with no accountability placed on them. So with this piece of wisdom, if you want a healthy, loving relationship, then the changes have to begin with YOU! Yes You!


Think about each relationship that you are in today. I know, most of us can list many different types of relationships in our lives from parents, spouse, siblings, friends, co-workers, managers, neighbors...relationships we establish during our lifetime are endless. Not much thought is ever given to the relationships that we encounter when we, for example, interact with others at the grocery store. From the clerk at the checkout lane, to the employees who are stocking the shelves, to the carry out attendant...all who are employed at the grocery store. I can pretty much guarantee at any given point that all of us have or will interact with these people during our shopping experience, even if only for a brief moment. But that brief moment can easily generate a new relationship, new friendship, etc., even if it's for a brief period of time in our lives. And now for my in your face question - What is your attitude and behavior in that relationship? Are you crabby, angry, and grumpy or are you friendly, outgoing, happy and have the gift of gab? Do you see that person with loving eyes or hateful eyes? Flavia Weedn says, "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, never the same." You never know who you're going to meet, where you're going to meet them, and why they've stepped into your life. But if you open your heart to everyone you meet then you will begin to realize the purpose of that relationship, even if it's for a brief moment in time.

But more importantly, the interactions that we as humans have with other humans is about reaching out to each other, helping each other and giving of ourselves regardless of the purpose. At the exact moment of interacting with others we may not consciously be aware of what is actually happening when someone new is put in front of us. I truly believe that everyone, all of mankind, regardless of time, place or situation are put in front of us for very specific reasons...we are to learn from them or they are to learn from us. It is safe to say that all of us play two roles in our relationships...sometimes we are the teacher and sometimes we are the student. And whether you are the teacher or student - "Everything happens for a reason."

President Obama made a fabulous statement at a Michigan Commencement Exercise in June of this year. He said "Why should I sacrifice my life for someone I don't know?" He went on to answer this question by saying, "To form relationships, connecting with others, reach out to others because you will find it hard to 'numb' yourself to other people's suffering." I couldn't agree more with his statement...even in our day-to-day minutia, we need to start seeing with our eyes and stop seeing through the worldly eyes of judgment, ridicule, condemnation, sneering, laughing, teasing, bullying, etc.

As humans evolve and change, we need to look at the needs of our children, become their mentors, assist our elderly and the folks down the block or in our communities who are down on their luck and need a helping hand. The big test is this...Can you change your behavior patterns and your relationship to society, work and home?

At the end of the day it's about relationships and the overall experiences of each one, not the moment by moment trivial details that many get caught up in. How rewarding it would be if we would just acquire a universal mentality to be of service whenever service calls us because when it's all said and done it is truly 'service' that binds us all together.

Blessings!

Paint Your Life with New Colors - Step Two

This is the second week of "Paint Your Life with New Colors" (shifting attitudes/shifting outcomes) Program, step two paint brush is Perseverance.


Perseverance is the power within. All of us have it, but not all of us know how to use it. Each of us have a bucket of internal skills (extraordinary gifts), and perseverance is just one. And the partner of perseverance is passion. Do you have a passion in life? Do you have a dream that is fueled by passion, hence bringing rise to pursuing your dreams? Well, if you answered yes, my advice to you is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER give up!!! The only thing that will stop you is the weight of this world, nothing else. With the right mindset, you can accomplish anything you set your mind too, as long as you shut out the worldly, pessimistic noise around you. Stop giving others the permission to dig a hole and throw you in with no way out. Stop allowing others to dictate who you are and what you are meant to accomplish while here on this earth.

Life goes fast, and without the power within, you will fall to the back of line, you will be last to cross the finish line, you will get ran over, you will miss out on discovering your full potential and then becoming oblivious to the specific glories life has in store for you.

There are many ways in life to "Be Your Own Hero" and pursue whatever it is that makes your heart explode in joy, happiness and gratitude. Here's a serious, in your face question - If you knew that life's end was near, what is it that you would want to do more than anything else in this world? Be a better parent, spend everyday with your grand babies, tell someone how much you love them, travel the globe, become an entrepreneur, own a coffee shop, work in a flower shop  arranging bouquets of flowers, teach pottery to high school students, volunteer your time to the elderly, the homeless or to the needy? What would it be? Write it down, exhaust the list, but most importantly, make a list and keep it by your bedside as a reminder for you and yourself.

Create a "Vision Board". What is a vision board? Go to your nearest craft store, Target, Office Max, etc. and pick up a cork board...any size will do, your choice. Across the top put the words "My Vision Board". With thumbtacks, post on your vision board all the desires of your heart. It may be a dream home, dream career, travel dreams, lottery tickets, whatever it is that sparks the perseverance laying dorm it in you. This excise works, trust me, everything that I have ever posted on my vision board has happened in my life...I have even had to take down things that I previously posted because they have already taken place, then of course replacing them with new inspirations. If you can visualize it, it will happen, study quantum physics if you still have doubts.

Opportunity or what I like to call blessings are presented to us daily. We are just so busy trying to control our lives that we miss what's right in front of us to take, grab and pursue. Helen Keller put it best "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but we often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us." Exactly Helen...it is only the "weight of the world," the expectations and demands of others that truly prevents us from pursuing who we are meant to be, our soul life purpose. We are too focused on what others think of us, allowing them to judge us, condemn us and possibly crush us. It is only when we have made a conscious choice to follow our hearts and not the demands of this world that we will blossom in our lives.

Walter Eliot says "Perseverance is not a long race: It is many short races, one after another!" So what are you waiting for? When are you going to step up to the starting line so you can run the race with the rest of us? I've been utilizing my internal perseverance since birth. For those of you who follow me and know me personally, know all to well that I am the perseverance expert, as I was born into a world of darkness, severe child abuse from a paranoid schizophrenic mother. It is perseverance that has gotten me through every trial and tribulation in my life. Without it I would have been crushed long ago. And, so let us run with determination the race that lies before us.

Perseverance is the internal drive, determination, strength and courage to push through the tough parts of life. It is perseverance that brings light to the darkest days of our lives. And we all know that none of us are without hardship, dark days, trials and tribulations, but it is with perseverance that we become invincible in these undeniable life situations. Look at the 2009 economic turmoil, layoffs, cutbacks, as well as today's natural disasters...the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, our men and women at war fighting for our freedom, the list goes on. But without perseverance none of us would survive these 21st Century catastrophic events. Even when the pieces crumble all around us, it is perseverance that forces us to get up, dust ourselves off so we can start putting the pieces back together through life changes. Contrary to what you've heard, impossible is not a word, it's only an excuse not to try. If you believe you can't, you are right! If you believe you can, you are right! I love Barak Obama's speech on YouTube delivered to the Kalamazoo, Michigan Central High School graduating class of 2010. He said "True Excellence only comes with Perseverance!"

Don't change your colors for anyone else...paint your life with new colors and transform your life into the life you were meant to lead. Every issue, belief, attitude or assumption that you have is precisely the barrier between you and yourself...only you can transform your life. It is only when you shift your attitude that you will then shift the outcome.

I want for you whatever it is that you want for your life. My advice is to keep the end goal in mind, never losing site of the overall objective or better - the dream. Don't get bogged down with the details and always see the value of who you are and anticipate the crazy excellent end results.

Until next week, Blessings!

Paint Your Life with New Colors - Step One

This week's blog focuses on my "Paint Your Life with New Colors" (shifting attitudes/shifting outcomes) Program, the first paint brush is Self-Evaluation.


How many of you have looked yourself in the mirror lately or EVER for that matter...to see much deeper than just the outer characteristics of the color of your hair, the shape of your eyes, the skin tone of your face or what your smile says about you? Can you look deep within at the real person staring back at you in the mirror? What do you see? Are you pleased or are you disappointed at who is staring back at you? If you don't like what you see, only you can change this. When you feel depressed, confused or hurt, don't worry! Stand in front of a mirror, you will find the best one to solve your problem! TRUST YOURSELF ~ Anonymous.

The first step in my "Paint Your Life with New Colors" Program is self-evaluation. Self-evaluation forces each of us to look deep within ourselves, well beyond our outer beauty. Whether we like what we see or not, only we can change, in order to seek a better life for ourselves. For those of you young enough to remember Carol Burnett from the 60's and 70's, you will appreciate this quote from her: "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."

First and foremost, your life will never change if you refuse or deny that it has to start with you. If you are leading a life style where you point fingers at everyone around you for what's not right in your life or everything that is wrong with your life today is blamed on others, then this old, learned behavior must stop...starting now, today. It is so important that you realize it truly starts with how you see yourself, through loving eyes or through hateful eyes. If you see yourself through hateful eyes, then you will see the rest of the world, the world around you and those in your circle through hateful eyes as well. This is what I am going to help you change.

Each week of my blog I will concentrate on the three main components of "Paint Your Life with New Colors". This week is self-evaluation. First and foremost, you need to be brutally honest with yourself starting right now. This exercise, this life change, is only between YOU and yes, YOU! No one around you should have say in who you are, your internal gifts and or the internal strength you possess...only you know this information.

You need to accept the things you cannot change about yourself and embrace them as unique gifts, the beauty that makes up who you are, rather than digging a hole for yourself. As they say, if you're in a hole, stop digging. So stop tearing yourself down, stop condemning yourself, stop focusing on what you don't have, but focus on what you do have. Stop comparing yourself to others, as you are uniquely designed and no two people were intentionally designed to be alike. Try this, on a piece of paper make a list of your gifts, talents, and capabilities. Post this list by your favorite mirror, and each morning when you look yourself in the mirror read aloud the list you created. With daily practice, soon the old messages in your head will dissolve and new messages will now become your reality and become your new belief system.

Remember, all of the old and ugly messages that others have instilled in our minds, and that we hold onto because it's all we know, have held us hostage for many years, but these false beliefs need to go away. The only way they will disappear once and for all is through this mirror exercise (daily practice) and the list of gifts, along with another exercise I will share in this blog. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says: "I answer to myself and no one else. The person looking back at you in the mirror is the one you have to answer to every day."

Seek to find your internal strengths. You have more power within than you believe. You must not rely on the outer world, the people of this world to give you this strength. Dig deep within and you will become aware of these internal strengths, the courage and determination. Courage and perseverance is already inbedded in you...we all have it, you just haven't tapped into yet. It is your internal gifts that will help you change old reruns of false ideals, failures, shame, guilt that others have instilled in you over the years. Others have convinced you for too long of who you are, what you should be doing with your life, and what your capabilities are...stop listening to others and start listening to the quiet whispers coming from your heart...this is your true unique design, who you are, your purpose, your passions and your dreams for your life.

Here's another exercise you should try. On a piece of paper make two columns. The left column should be titled "Self-Likes" and the right column should be titled "Self-Dislikes". In private, your alone time, complete both columns. Exhaust each column until you cannot think of anything else to jot down. Once you've completed both columns, sit down with a significant person in your life, partner, friend, relative, neighbor, pastor, etc. Share both lists with them...this exercise is going to be your "sanity/reality check list". You will soon discover in this conversation that the right column is not reality, it is only how others have judged you, condemned you in the past several years. You only think this is who you are (how you see yourself) because others have instilled false beliefs (right column) in your mind.

These exercises will be a true pivotal turn in your life. Trust me...I have spent the last 48 years of my life allowing others to destroy the true me. I use to allow others to dictate who I am, how I feel about myself, what career I should pursue, how much I should earn annually, how I should raise my children, my status in the community, who I am as a person, etc...no more. I took my life back long ago, so I know these exercises work because I have for the past 48 years time tested and proven these strategies. You are a uniquely designed person, with your own blue print. You have so much to share with the rest of the world, but old messages are holding you back. Your true self will evolve and old beliefs systems will dissolve forever. Your power within is greater than you realize!

So "Paint Your Life with New Colors" by starting with self-evaluation. Next week I will move onto the second paint brush - Perseverance. Feel free to post a comment on my blog or if you need a buddy, email me. Have a super week taking the first step in re-discovering the real YOU!

"I love what I do and I'm not going anywhere!"

“I love what I do and I’m not going anywhere!”
This is what all of us should be saying today? “I love what I do and I’m not going anywhere!”…a quote from Sandra Bullock during her acceptance speech at the MTV Generation Awards June 2010. She took the words right out of my mouth…"I love what I do and I am not going anywhere!”

I decided long ago, maybe even as early as a small child that I knew there was more to life than being a passenger…I’ve always wanted to be the driver and mentor of what is passionate in my heart – speaking and writing to share what I have learned throughout my life experiences, good and bad, with all of you. Because it is through the sharing of our life experiences that we learn and grow from each other.

I’ve had many hard knocks, and been blindsided so many times in life that today I refer to myself as not an “old woman breathing” but a “well marinated woman very much alive”. With life, I have also realized that “it” whatever “it” is, happens for a reason, even when it’s wrong or when it’s painful and we feel lost and broken. The “its” in my life were the result of many pivotal turns I experienced. From cradle to mid-adulthood, my life was filled with daily torture and abuse from those who claimed to love me, physical, sexual and emotional pain and abandonment. I always felt like a piece of lost luggage in an airport at the 11th hour going round and round on the baggage claim with no one there to grab me, claim me, love me and nurture me. But this is where I turned my life around. This is where I learned to take trauma and turn it into triumph!

Today it feels like I’m flying…I’m free and I can do what I love to do…helping others transition their lives. I love to travel the world making a difference in all of your lives. It isn’t about me, it’s about you and how can I help you make healthy choices and changes in your life so you too can fly. And maybe someday we will meet and fly together.

Today I give myself the power that I never thought I had and so can you…because remember, there was a time in my life, and I'm sure a time in your life, where I allowed others to define who I was and what I was capable of doing in my life. No more…over the past 48 years of my life I have learned many time tested coping strategies that work through my Think / Feel / Do Lifestyle that has helped me become my own hero in what I love to do. And today, I’m free to do what I love to do without others dictating to me that I’m dreaming and I should go out and get a “real job” and last…what I’m doing is impossible. I know if I can do this, you can too.

So enough about me…what are you doing daily to be your own hero? Do you see yourself and the world around you through the eyes of love or hate? How long do you want to do this before you are ready to snap out of your funk? I know in my life I have always been a high strung, passionate driven woman who knows what she wants, but it’s always a huge plus to have a buddy pal when making serious life changes. I don’t expect you to do this alone, so lean on me…I will be your new buddy pal.

So stay tuned to my blog café by subscribing, and I will help you find the power within that you never thought you had, so you too can say “I love what I do and I’m not going anywhere!”